>>322432701
Getting close to people and then: unrealistic expectations, self-entitlement, paranoia, autism, "all or nothing" mindset, never even communicating these feelings and finally realization that with all these traits I deserve nothing else but to be completely alone. How am I supposed to function while being like this?
Even though people seemingly enjoy my company, all I can think about is disappearing to not plague them with my disabilities. I've gotten so used to this, so used to wearing such a thick mask and then just randomly snapping that they never could have seen it coming. 
But in the end there isn't even much to see, I just vanish without an explanation. Who cares anyways, it'll all be forgotten after a single day, this is hardly the first time it has happened for me. 
Some of the people really surprise me however. For example, back when I was playing in some fresh WoW Pserver, joined a guild and got along with people in guild chat, made somewhat of a meme of myself since I was leveling really quickly and playing 15 hours a day. Must've gotten to 60 in under a week or something. Then the burnout kicked in and I just logged off and deleted that character, never announcing it to anyone. A day later I check the general thread out of habit and get to see a drawing of my character in a picture frame that's standing on a coffin with some roses around. Pure joy, I've never 'gotten' something like that. We barely knew each other. Might seem lame but it meant something to me. 
Do such people deserve the shit I do to them? They don't, and this was one of the lighter cases of it, there's been far worse ones.
Sadly this post feels like a last will, one upon which I'll might have to act, same way yet again.
>>322432750
I'd say don't drink as it's bad for you, but really who am I to talk, especially while I'm stuffing my face as I type this.
I've no advice, no suggestions, no words of comfort. I guess it's to be expected in this state of despair.