im glad for having this brain, i can imagine things most people can only dream of imagining. i feel bad for you because even if im only a jobless norm or whatever i could have made nice contributions that people supposedly appreciate in science or art. but if i start thinking for myself there wont be a use for things like beauty and love anymore, id lose everything i have for a relief of pain. and the other me doesnt think there is something like pain, its all an illusion that should be endured or something to that effect. i want to go away. i want to be invisible. and live in an invisible world of my own. completely separate from everything else. i would never be hated. i could do what i think is right.if i were god i would do something like make creatures and love them. they would only know niceness. i dont know how would that turn out. i dont know anything, im just too crazy and the reality i was born in is too ugly to just man up. i cant imagine what its like not to be like this for too long. whats it like to see everything turn out as expected, for better or worse, so you can have goals and work towards them. youre not humans or at least not animals, you dream and dreaming for you is reality. i can only experience my dreams in my mind. i dont want this, im sorry, i dont want this, i hate this, i hate myself, i hate my ugly existence.