at least i wasnt born in a torture chamber. i guess in the far future people will create living beings in virtual simulation worlds that can feel more pain than anyone can imagine right now, more than every person combined, and then torture them for eternities just for fun. people do it with animals and humans right now, torture. it's not a far stretch to think it will be done in such manner if you assume simulations are possible. and if they can last so long, any existence is statistically more likely to be born a part of this thing than a simple human like me. i just wish i could be nice to people and there were people who could reciprocate. im dirty, ugly. im poor, uneducated, my grandmother who died of lung cancer was healthier than me in her last months of life than i have been for most of mine. im the product of a dysfunctional family of drunk junkies and petty criminals. im paranoid, afraid of everyone. i cant take anything at face value. people dont tell hello and good morning to each other, they dont need that. theyre all coded messages, LSB and most people will think im a schizo and that these three letters dont mean anything, although i guess im a schizo, or irony and inside jokes, if not outright bots or just corporate advertisement and government propaganda. i cant imagine how peoples relationships are with their normal families or parents. in vns and anime parents are often not even mentioned. sometimes i imagine having a normal family as a kid and i like to thank my parents for making me. i dont know how to make this stop. i think distrusting people might have negatively affected my ability to use 2d succubi as escapism, i keep involuntarily reminding myself that theyre made by the same people im afraid of and the people im afraid of do wrong things to their image.