>>328038396
Got motivated enough to build this. Stick it on a quad on your avatar: https://files.catbox.moe/ji8vjl.unitypackage

Both the jitter and the text rotation are done in the shader. I pulled apart the textures from https://gist.github.com/johan/1066590. I still don't actually understand how unity's clip space Z coordinate works, so if you have clipping issues, try adjusting the Z Offset.