Let me tell you a story about your future. You're young now, probably 18-25. But it won't be that way forever. Think about how things will go as you approach, 30, 40, even beyond. Imagine, you're not young anymore. The lifestyle you live has taken a toll on your body. You look older than your peers and get sick more easily. Your hair is greying, your hairline receding, and your skin grows ever rougher and more wrinkled. Nobody calls you "cute" anymore. What do you do at this point? Maybe you go full degenerate, get pozzed and do fisting as you desperately chase that sexual high. Maybe you start taking tranny pills with the intention of becoming "cute" again. It doesn't work. You look like a freak and you have destroyed your body. Maybe you fall into a quiet life of substance abuse and depression.
These would all be very sad outcomes. I don't want that to happen to you. So I'll suggest an alternative: heterosexuality. Stop being weak. You can be better.