>>293038463
I used to join meetups, but it would take me several hours of drinking and mentally preparing myself to finally join the instance. Then I'd immediately move out of the spawn area to somewhere no-one could see me and try to figure out somewhere to stand that didn't look too out of place while I tried to assess someone i could approach. Usually I'd settle for going in front of the mirror but the people already there would usually just ignore me. Sometimes I would play around with the props instead. Occasionally I'd finally force myself to walk up to someone, but almost always they'd either run to another group, leave the instance, or get annoyed. The few times I approached groups, they didn't acknowledge I was there at all and whenever I said anything it was totally ignored. The occasional person would headpat me for a few seconds then go to other people. The entire time was just listening to other people being more successful while trying not to be overwhelmed by the sense of being ignored. After 30 minutes of this, or a few hours if I really tried, I'd give up and leave feeling incredibly depressed that I'd completely failed again and consider quitting. Over the week I'd plan for things I'd do differently next time, but never actually changed anything. I repeated that almost every weekend for two years.