>>281930313
>>281930963
>>281933664
The best thing you can do is translate this into Yugioh terms. This guy is literally Cleetus: The Card. Only killable with specific active abilities and passive auras, and utterly useless outside of annoying people with puny irrelevant attacks every once and a while like he does when his angst gets too high and he shitposts the thread.
Or if you just want it real simple, just give him mediocre stats and some evasion mechanic.