>Born with already fucked up mental issues 
>Grew up normon,
>No real figure in life
>Turned obsessive and desperate whenever i met someone that had any chance of being my figure
>Moved and settled into apartment near my uni, now left alone from everything
>Wake up, Go to class, work, sleep and repeat. Completely pleasured poisoned and well informed that nothing will get better
>Met guy while in uni and would play shit with him 
>Threw myself on the floor from the anguish that jesus has placed upon me, gags from the crying and throws up
>No words described how i felt. no real me. no real body. Gave up on everything and was NEET for one year
>continued with playing games with the guy i met in uni with skype and every moment was a brief escape hiding the terrifying reality. He simply was the only one that didnt think i was a NEET freak and he helped me get my faith back. Would go hang out with him whenever he wasnt busy.
> HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN

I THINK ABOUT HIM WHEN I WAKE UP, EAT, SHOWER, SMOKE, ESCAPE IN VR, COLLAPSE FROM THE ALCOHOL, CUT, WORK OUT, CRY, GAG FROM THE PAIN
HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN HE GOT HIT BY TRAIN
I SHOULD OF BEEN THE ONE I LOVED HIM I LOVED HIM I WILL KILL GOD I WILL KILL GOD I WILL KILL GODI WILL KILL GOD I WILL KILL GOD
KNOW ONE WILL FUCKING COMPREHEND THE PAINLESS FEELINGS OF LITERALLY NOTHING. DRINKING, TALKING, EATING, SLEEPING LEADS WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND I WILL NEVER FIND JOY IN COMMUNICATING WITH THE CREATOR CREATIONS 
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKFUCK FUCK FUCK OH My pain is truly something no one I will ever meet could comprehend. i was being consumed by my hatred of humanity as i watch the world spiral into disgusting faggot tranny woke horseshit and nothing has improved.