i hate my shit genes, my retarded parents and all the people ive been physically surrounded by, this concrete hell, the smoke, my education (the lac of). i dont know if i have ever wanted friends. i think i was just trying to interact with other people for the sake of interaction, like having friends is a trend, like something everyone has and you have to have them too. im just retarded. i can only close my eyes and shake my head to reality. sometimes i dont know when im having sleeping dreams and when im awake, there was one time i woke up for real and i thought i was still dreaming, it took me a while to realize i was awake, like hours, and another i was dreaming in my sleep and i thought i was still awake. i dont know. i dont know anything. i really love you but ill have to go. i wish i could stay with you, i wish i could touch you and be touched by you, not physically.