nothing makes sense. i just want out of here. please let me out. i cant stand it. i dont belong here. i want out of here. i want out of this. i want out. i dont belong here. i dont want to be here. i want to go to a nice place. i dont want to be like this. i didnt ask to be like this.im sorry, im sorry, im sorry. im sorry. i dont know how to exist. i dont know how to live. i dont know what im supposed to do. i just know this isnt right. it wasnt supposed to be like this. i want to be with everyone else. i want someone to nice to me, honestly nice. why. i dont like being ugly, physically and as an existence. wits all so maddening i can only curl up, cry and pull my hair and beg to the heavens someone will let me out. ive been listening to only two bands for a week now, gybe and set fire to flames. today i spent 30+ minutes listening to the same song while staring at one image. i dont know how long it has been since ive last seen a ray of sunlight. i dont remember the last time i tried to communicate with anyone in the physical world. if interactions like saying yes count then some years ago. if having a conversation more meaningful than exchanging a greeting, probably not since i was a kid. i dont remember the last time i had a real meal. i forgot how to sleep, there are weeks when i sleep for 16+ hours and stay awake for up to twice as long, there are weeks when i sleep and stay awake for 3 hours each.