>spend whole day waiting for meetup again
>"today will be different, I'm going to talk to people today"
>get really hyped, excited, waiting for hours
>finally join meetup
>absolutely nothing to say yet again, can't open my mouth for anything
>just stand in the background
>eventually someone addresses me
>instantly freeze up, can barely move, my mind goes blank and my mouth sown shut
>moment passes and so does the attention
>can't even register what's going on or what anyone is saying for another 5 minutes just cringing at myself
>feel like a miserable sack of shit wasting player slot
>force myself to say longer
>almost cry
>eventually leave
see you buys tonight for another rerun!