Why don't you people feel all the shame I feel about your behavior? You're all bad. I'm good because I'm ashamed of myself and feel guilty about even existing in the same universe as all of you. I'm the victim here, and all of the fun you're having hurts me because it makes me choose between befriending you people or feeling like I'm a normative hard working conservative representing the status quo from 50 years ago.

Stop having fun, you're ruining the Earth.